


Anons Adventures in Hell

by Night_Of_Fire



Series: Anons Adventures in Hell [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Drinking, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 08:27:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Of_Fire/pseuds/Night_Of_Fire
Summary: Anon just waltzes into hell on accident and shit happens
Series: Anons Adventures in Hell [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210817
Kudos: 3





	Anons Adventures in Hell

2:20, 2:21, 2:22 AM, checked. My throat still burned from the last swig of a now half empty cup of bottom shelf vodka, yet I still took another swig. It tasted like hell fire and burning rubber but it did the trick well enough. My chair creaked as I leaned back in it, averting my eyes from the clock in the corner of my monitor to the single burned out bulb above me while the cheap 90s era computer speakers played some song from a long since outdated anime on loop. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for anything." I thought to myself, remembering the pile of various rejection letters besides my computer, and the broken file shredder with one stuck half way through. I took another sip of the fire juice, nearly gagging in the process, and jolted back to take a look at the thread I just shitposted in. A quick glance at the clock read 2:50.

"Tough crowd." I said, noticing none of my bait posts gave me any (You)s, "maybe tomorrow" I thought to myself "would be a better day." Thinking, that's a funny word I thought. 

I downed the last of my cup, then minimized my windows, only feeling the burning of my eyes. 3:31, 3:32, 3:33, checked. Still far too drunk to sleep, but too tired to continue, I stood up out of my chair and walked to my shut paper thin laminate door that separated my room from the rest of the place. I froze in place in front of it, seeing the many faces in the faux wood finish I've seen a million times before like shapes in clouds. I miss that. 

"And open." I said opening the door.

What instead of my hallway I expected to await me I found a quiet street lit by a dim red light. Instead of the musty scent of decades old carpet and unpainted walls, a distinct smell of car exhaust. My chilled air disappeared, replaced by a strikingly dry heat. I stood there, staring at the clear break in my sense of reality, frozen like a Popsicle in the freezer that's been left too long. As I stepped backwards, my feet kept moving beyond the bounds of my room. Scared, I turned around to look for my room only to find the same street, stretching on and on. 

"That's not funny, that's funny at all." I said, turning back to face where my door should be, only to be met with the same street.

Buildings, walls, concrete, cement, fuck, "gotta keep walking." I thought. "Maybe I've fallen asleep, yeah, that's it, it's a dream, a funny dream where I'm in a weird red city somewhere on an empty street with nobody walking the sidewalk. Gotta be it, just keep walking, just walk."   
  
Then, on my endless journey, I saw that thing. It appeared as if it were a crocodile or alligator that grew too much, then decided to walk on two legs. Its body seemed covered in purple scales drenched in red stripes, and the eyes were pale as ivory. There it stood, staring into a window on the sidewalk, just standing there, this abomination stood, an affront to all of nature it stood there looking just looking with its wondering eye. Frozen, I stood there too, standing as he stared into the shop window, then, his eyes turned to me. I ran as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Fuck.

The sidewalk, the street, my legs were burning, all systems were flashing red with danger. I paid no attention to the future I ran towards, nor the material beneath my feet, my heart pounded through my chest and all my senses reeled. "Home, I want to go home," I thought. Then my pace faltered, then I felt a sudden weightless drop. My face felt wet, my leg felt wet, still I scrambled to my feet before that beast could catch me and searched wildly for some alcove to hide within. 

I finally found an alley way to limp into and hid in the corner. "I just want to go back home" I said, covering my face with my hands, trying desperately to wake up. 

"Hey there toots, looking for a good time." A voice rang out from the corner. Shit, it found me. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" it said. 

"You're not real. None of this is real." I said to myself. 

"Now hold on, I'm very real, wait a minute, you're fresh meat aren't you?" the feminine male voice said.

"None of this is real, I'm still in my room, none of this is real." I said to myself.

"Oh shit, you aren't dead yet, what the fuck?" he said, moving closer "Oh shit, you're hurt. Fuck val, you're more important right now. Come on, I know a place you'll be safe."

"Safe? What does that word even mean. Safe." I said, as the effects of that last bit of drink started to kick in. I felt as I were a spinning top

"If you don't stand up I'll have to carry you." He said as I felt a hand held against my face.

"Fuck, everything is spinning." I said.

"Carry it is then." He said, as I felt multiple arms wrap around me and pick me up, all the while not uncovering my eyes.

This monster felt warm and soft, standing in stark contrast to the cold hardness I expected of that beast I saw. I also felt what appeared to be many more arms than I observed. He carried me only a short while I assume, before halting his progress and pushing on some, what I assumed to be door. 

"Hey, Charlie, I got a live one." He said.

"You got a what." A feminine voice spoke up from a distance.

"Yeah, this one ain't dead. He also reeks of cheap booze." He said.

"Oh shoot, well, we always have rooms open for anyone, I want to talk to him in the morning." She said.

"Sure thing, I'll take care of him tonight, we can get him a room tomorrow, don't want him dying on us." He said, as I felt us move forwards again and up a flight of stairs. We paused for a moment, I heard a click of what sounded like a door unlocking, and then we continued.

"Well, this is it, so, you not gonna open your eyes yet?" He asked.

"No." I said, holding firm, holding fast.

"Your loss." He said, leaning over and placing me down on what felt like a bed on my side.

"Let me just," he said as I heard what sounded like shoes falling off "ah shit, you're still bleeding, I'll be right back." He said as I heard shuffling and what appeared to be a door open. I heard a faucet turning on. I heard a window AC that kicked on, whirring about blasting cold air.

"Alright, I don't expect you to open your eyes or anything, at least let me wipe off your dried blood so I can put something on it." He said. 

I complied, keeping my eyelids closed, I let him place what felt like a warm wet rag on my forehead, then on my leg. Then a slight pressure on them, then a slight tearing sound.

"There, all bandaged up." He said. "Should be healed up in the morning."

"Thank you." I said, forgetting to return my hands over my head.

"Now, stay there while I wash up." He said.

I could hear the faucet turn on and the cold air of the AC brush against the side of my face. Soft bed. Yes. The sheets smooth and silken. I turned over on my side and pressed my face into one of the pillows. It was soft, it was nice. I choked back tears as the cold dark of my dreams took over, slowly showing me images of video games long dead and friends long gone. Soft warmth, cool breeze, I think I felt arms wrap around me. Sleep, funny word that. Sleep.

I woke up some time the next day to the scent of citrus and flowers, though I couldn't quite pick out the details. The air felt unseasonably cool and a light breeze blew across my face. The sheets around me appeared much more silken than I remembered and far softer than what I recalled. Every bone, every tendon and muscle in my body ached. My head pounded like a jackhammer ramming right through it. None of that mattered for how comfortable that pillow felt, or what I thought at the time felt like a pillow. I even shrugged off the sensation of arms wrapped around me, writing it off as the sheets being pulled extra tight from tossing and turning. It took me a solid ten minutes to finally open my eyes and when I did my eyes met with a soft white pile of fluff attached to a slender male figure. 

"Mornin handsome, finally awake?" He said, releasing me from his grip.

"Oh fuck!" I shouted, scrambling to my feet, feeling them hit a cold hard surface running over to the window.

"I've finally flown over the cuckoos nest, haven't I?" I said to myself, collapsing under the red hue of the sky and the buzz and hum of the AC unit.

"Fraid not, kid." The creature said, sitting up on the bed. "No need to be so scared, you're at least in good hands now. Hey, you even got to sleep with a real porn star and I'm asking nothing for it." He said. "By the way, name's Angel Dust." He said.

"Like the drug? Wait, porn star?" I asked.

"Yeah, exactly, like the drug." Angel Dust said. "Friends call me Angel."

"You consider me a friend?" I asked, relaxing a bit.

"Hope it can be that way." Angel said. "What do you go by?"

"I'd rather not. I usually go by anonymous when I'm asked." I said.

"So like, what, John?" Angel said, laughing at the thought of it.

"Well, when you say it like that." I said, looking down.

"No, it's fine, just funny's all. Rather get called Anon for short?" Angel said.

"Sure. That's fine." I said. "I gotta ask, seeing as I'm not going to be waking up from this, where the hell am I?"

"Exactly." He said.

"Exactly isn't any place I ever heard of." I said

"No, not exactly." Angel said.

"Then where the hell is it?"

"Exactly." 

"So if I walked outside, and looked at a street sign, it would say 'Exactly' is where the hell I am." I said, pausing as I finally figured out his point.

"Third base." We both said in unison, before falling into a fit of laughter.

My eyes had finally adjusted to the streams of dim red light streaming through the blinds in a checkerboard pattern all across the room. The man that sat before me, appeared as a rather tall slender figure with an extra pair of arms at his hips and with what appeared to be legs of a spider. He seemed cloaked in some sort of satin black robes and practically covered from head to toe with some sort of fur, with a large deposit seemingly in the same place his breasts would be as if he were female. His fang like smile with a single shimmering gold tooth looked as wide as his head and his eyes were as big as the sun. One with the brightest white sclera, the other as dark as the night sky with no stars out. The rooms walls were covered in patterned black and grey wallpaper, and the only thing other than the bed and some wooden doors sat a small table with a stool in front of it positioned in the middle of the room. 

"So, you supposed to be some sort of demon then?" I asked, standing up, making my way to the stool. 

"Not exactly, I wasn't born here so I'm not really a demon." Angel said.

"So you did some fucked up shit and ended up here?" 

"Yeah, scared yet?" Angel said, giving me the most toothy grin I've seen. "How do you know I'm not a rapist murderer that's going to boil your bones into stew?" 

"Well, I'm still alive, right?"

"Yeah, if you weren't your leg and head would be healed by now." Angel said, pointing his bottom right arm at my leg and his top right arm at my head.

"Ah, shit, yeah, I forgot about that." I said, reaching up to touch my head, recoiling when I placed a finger on the sore spot.

"I'd shoot myself to prove the point, but pain is still real so I'd rather not."

"That's rather grim."

"It is hell, Anon." Angel said.

"I always thought Hell would be more, burning lake of fire? Maybe ironic like in the divine comedy?" I said.

"Nope, we got the neglectful type. At least, for most of the year." Angel said, glancing out the window.

"Most of the year?"

"Yeah, see, there's so many souls coming through here the place gets overpopulated nowadays. Every year exterminators come along and deal with it." Angel said, still looking out that window.

"Brutal." I said, turning to look out the window too. 

"You're telling me." Angel said.

We sat there staring out at the street, now alive with activity. Only then did I notice the red light didn't emanate from any celestial object or light fixture, but from a massive pentagram that loomed over the cityscape. Distant car horns and sirens whirled around outside, followed by a slightly more than occasional tire screech and crash. What little dots of people walking the street, or whats left of humans walking the street appeared no different from their counterparts from my time back traveling from place to place as a child, taking whatever hotel we could find.

"It ever rain down here?" I asked.

"No."

"Snow?"

"Only ash." Angel said, before pausing for a while. "Does it bother you?" He asked.

"What?"

"That you slept with a dude last night?" Angel said, returning his gaze back at me.

"What, did you rape me or something? Should I be worried about an STD?" I asked, still looking out the window.

"No, it's just not many straights are comfortable with being cuddled like a fucking teddy bear by another dude, no matter how effeminate." He said.

"Guess it didn't really come to mind as a problem." I said, turning back to him. 

"Well, is it a problem now?" Angel said, lowering his pitch a bit.

"Not really, wasn't bad actually." I said.

"So I take it you're gay then." He said.

"I don't like giving much thought to it, but it's a possibility." I said, turning back to the window. "So why did you try and save me? This is hell, it's not like if I die, I go anywhere worse." 

"I." Angel said, hesitating before continuing the thought with: "I guess I just didn't want what happened to me happening again to someone else, especially when they're still alive. Plus, I know the rent here is free, and it doesn't look like you have any cash on you. You're in pretty good hands with Charlie."

"Charlie?" I asked.

"Oh, she's the gal that owns the joint. She started it to try and redeem us sinners, maybe alleviate the overpopulation problems we've been having. Still not too sold, but hey, beats suckin my old land lords dick."

"I bet." I said.

"Well," Angel said, standing up "I'll let Charlie know you're up and to give you a minute before coming in. Gotta get back and check on fat nuggets." Angel said as he left.

I sat there trying to clear up my mind before getting back up and lying back down on the bed. The traffic outside had died down to an occasional quiet whisper of a car speeding by. I pressed my thumbs to the bottom of my eyelids and looked outside, everything seemed to blur with pressure, confirming I didn't hallucinate everything. I then looked at the backs of my hands, despite being bruised, they appeared normal, a dead giveaway, a sign that this was no dream. The slow realization that "I'm fucked" started to seep in, and a low rumble of a panic started creeping up on me. I quickly crawled back under the sheets and grabbed hold of a pillow just as all my systems lit up red again "I'm actually in hell this time, I've actually managed to screw the pooch so hard I end up in hell without even dying first" I thought. 

"Cold air's nice at least." I said to myself. "I may feel like I'm a CD in a microwave but at least this air is cold." I closed my eyes and tried imagining my bed, the grey sheets, the white quilt over it, the two memory foam pillows draped in black pillowcases, one I held onto and the other I had squished beneath my head. I eventually tricked myself into feeling at home again, then a I heard a knocking on the door.

"Hey, uhh, Anon? It's Charlie, Angel Dust said you were up." A voice spoke from outside the room. 

"Come in." I said, sitting up from my peace, only to find the same room I saw a moment ago. 

I heard the latch of the door click into place and a creaking from the hinges. I shifted myself in a more seated position as I heard what sounded like high heels tapping across the floor. Before me stood a woman, she wore thick white makeup with red circles near her cheeks, or at least it looked like makeup. Her eyes were the same blond yellow as her hair, though, they seemed to glow like a jellyfish in the deep ocean. Her Pants suit looked to be two separate shades of red, one as crimson as ruby, the other as dark as blood. Besides the glowing eyes and the nose, ending in a tiny black snout like a cats or a dogs. 

"So, uhhh, yeah. You're a live, living human. In hell." Charlie said, frantically looking all over the place.

"Yeah, seems like it." I said, pointing to my head wound.

"So, uhhh. How did, you. Arrive? Here? Was it like, some sort of explosion, or did you fall off a building?" She asked.

"I opened my bedroom door, and it led to hell instead of my hallway." I said. 

"That." Charlie said, pausing to look back at the door she just came in. "That's. Odd."

"You're telling me." I said.

"I take it angel gave you a rundown on what's going on here." She said

"Yeah, somewhat, this is hell, this hotel is basically rehab for sinners to try and get in heaven. Something about this place not having rent?" I said.

"Yeah, no rent. Just so long as you try and do better than you did in your life, I guess for you that means better than you were doing before you showed up." Charlie said, giving a thumbs up while grimacing. "Oh, by the way, here's your key, I'll just put it down on the table over here." She said, gently resting a silver key on the table. 

"Alastor's cooking dinner, just head on down to the dining room when you're ready." Charlie said, walking to the door before pausing for a response.

"Sure, I just need a moment." I said, giving her the same thumbs up she gave me. 

"Ok, just, don't wait too long, the food might get cold." Charlie said, softly closing the door behind her.

I turned my eyes to the window again. The street practically died, no cars, one or two travelers. I hadn't noticed it, but a glint caught my eye next to the key, sure enough, there rested a neatly folded pair of clothes. I got out of bed and walked over, further noticing a note that read "I figured you would need a pair so I asked Angel if I could lend him some that I think might fit you. -Charlie." On the top of the pile rested a pastel pink crop top, or at least, one that would have been a crop top on a seven foot something spider demon. Underneath sat a pair of lace pink panties with another note that stated "Sorry for not finding something more, masculine. I don't think anyone here actually owns a pair of boxers or briefs. -Charlie"

"Of course." I said, debating weather or not I should just keep wearing my underwear, "fuck it, why not." I said, placing the panties next to the shirt. Beneath the panties were a pair of a more dark pink shorts that seemed to go right to the top of my knees. "No pockets? Great." I said, feeling around them for any sort of opening I could put things in "Oh, wait," I said as I found a pocket seemingly sewn haphazardly on the inside with a dark red fabric unlike anything on the rest of the garment. It perfectly fit the cold silver key as I tried slotting it in. "No pockets then." I said, grabbing all the garments as I headed to take a shower in what I presumed to be a bathroom. 

The door that stood before me appeared to be some sort of stained rosewood, much like the door that leads in and out of the room though stained much darker, and what do you know I found the light switch. I flicked on the singular switch and it emanated a solid click. Behind me, I saw a bright flash and a loud pop of a burning out incandescent bulb. "Well, guess no light then." I said, flipping the switch back off. The door handle felt cold to the touch as I reached for it.

"And," I said, catching myself before I could even think of the word open. "What happens if that's what got me down here in the first place, what if there's something worse than hell out there that I could slip through." I thought. Silently, I turned the handle at a snails pace, and pushed the door open, feeling for any light switch. I eventually found one, nearly identical to the one I just flipped. 

Unlike the flash and pop from behind me a warm light flooding through the door cracks met me. "Well, that's a start." I opened the door completely and looked around. The floor seemed to be made of a grey marble tile, the same cold hard surface I had almost forgotten my feet were in constant contact with. At the end of the room there sat a black porcelain bathtub with a cranberry red curtain surrounding it. The architects seemingly just took the floor tiles and placed them on the wall as a back splash around the tub, and along the other walls the same wallpaper that lined the walls outside the bathroom continued in. On the wall to my left sat a single ceramic toilet seemingly hewn from the same material that comprised the bath tub, with a stack of black toilet paper in a basket and an assortment of towels above it on a rack. Directly in front of it rested a square black granite sink with a massive mirror placed off center and off kilter. On one of the corners of the sink sat a sealed plastic bag that held a toothbrush, a small tube labeled toothpaste and a small box of gauze. On the other three small bottles, one contained a red liquid labeled shampoo, one held a pink liquid labeled conditioner and the third held a white liquid labeled lotion. Sat beside them rested two unlabeled plastic wrapped white bars of square soap. Despite the room smelling of mildew, it mostly smelled just as clean as the rest of the room.

I had decided on taking a piss and a quick shower, washing my hands between both with a bar of soap. I ended up using the other bar of soap and almost half the bottles of shampoo and conditioner bathing under the admittedly hot water. By the time I smelled of apple and cinnamon. "Maybe I'll get a job somewhere down here so I don't have to borrow peoples clothes." I said as I slipped into my new attire. "I look like a fruit." I said as I saw my reflection in the rapidly defogging mirror. At least everything fit like a glove, "That Angel fellow knows how to pick comfortable clothes at least" I said replacing the gauze on my head and my leg. 

"And now for the hard part." 

"What's behind door number 1." I said, freezing with my hand over the doorknob, unable to turn it. "You don't scare me, you don't scare me one bit." I whispered to the door "So, what's behind door number 1." I said, closing my eyes pulling the door open, generating currents of air. When I opened my eyes, nothing seemed out of place, "good." I said, clenching my chest.

"So, what's behind door number 2." I said, repeating my actions with the bathroom door with the one that led to the presumable hallway. Upon opening my eyes, I indeed met with a hallway lined with rows of doors after rows of doors. The walls were wrapped in a deep pomegranate wallpaper patterned with pale silver symbols. Above each door, which looked to have impressions of pillars with flowing inverted pyramid shapes carved into them, rested a decorative window of pale yellow and pink lemonade panes. Everything looked trimmed in gold, it glinted and glistened in the pale light cast by the dim chandlers swinging from the ceiling between each pair of doors and the crystalline lamps on the walls. Clouds of dust drew paths from each and every light source from one end of the hallway to the other. The carpet that stretched from end to end seemed to have golden concentric squares trimmed in it with connected lines surrounded in a sea of stewed plum. On either far side appeared to be two hallways that led further into the hotel, each lined with floor to ceiling windows.

About two doors down from the far left of my room a stairwell resided, and leaning over the guard rail smoking a cigarette stood Angel. Seemingly, Angel Dust changed into a white and pastel pink striped tuxedo with, not only an oversized bow tie and no inner shirt, but a small choker around his neck. His thigh high muted burgundy boots matched the color of his tie and extremely short shorts. Only then, in the much brighter light of the hallway did I notice all his pink freckles and spots in his fur. Even his gloves he wore matched his eyes and his stripes in his tux with his spots in his fluff.

"Howdy neighbor." I said, walking towards him.

"Hey there toots. Forgot to mention, my room's in front of yours, need anything, just knock." Angel said, looking down the square spiral stairwell taking a drag on his cigarette, releasing a pinkish smoke. 

"By the way, what took you" Angel said, turning his head to look at me before bursting out in a manic laughter.

"You, oh man, you look like a fuckin fruit." Angel said, laughing like a madman. 

"You know, that's exactly what I said." I said, as my light chuckling bloomed into full blown laughter. At least, untill my head started feeling like a four car pile up. 

"Oh man, if you're here for too long, we're taking you shopping so you don't look so, well, like that." Angel said, pointing his fingers at every part of my outfit.

"Yeah, if I don't make it home first."

"I've been trying to get my mind of that for a while now." I said

"Hey, don't worry handsome, you're in good hands." 

"Seems like it."

"Hey, by the way, you woke up in the middle of the night last night and were doing a weird eye thing, I had to hold you tighter to calm you down. Mind explaining?" Angel asked.

"Oh, this?" I said, pressing my thumbs into the corners of my eyes, observing that everything in my vision went blurry.

"Yeah, that."

"It's a trick I read about in a book, I want to say, a Strugatsky brothers novel? If you push your thumbs gently into the corner of your eye, everything that's not a hallucination goes blurry." I said

"Really? Damn, that could have been useful if I didn't have so many eyes."

"You don't just have the two?" I asked

"See these?" Angel pointed at the freckles on his cheeks.

"The freckles?" I asked

"They're eyes." He said, opening them to be about a quarter of the size of his two biggest eyes

"Ahhhh, yeah, I keep forgetting. This is hell and shit like this is normal."

"I'm not even the weirdest of the bunch. Just wait until you see Husk, or Nifty even." 

Just as he finished that statement, hints of cooked meats, stews and soups finally wafted up from the ground floor. My stomach growled, and my salivary glands began to work in full force.

"Say, when's the last time you ate Anon?" Angel asked, noticing me staring down the seemingly massive stairwell.

"Fuck. What time is it?" I asked

"Somewhere around 5 PM." Angel said.

"Shit, last thing I ate. I think I ate a bowl of instant beef ramen about 5 PM yesterday." I said.

"Damn, we gotta get you something to eat then. You good to walk down there?" He asked, pointing down the several flights of stairs that lie before me.

"Fuck. I don't know." I said.

"I can always do what I did when I took you up here." 

"That being." 

"Carry you, dummy." Angel said, chuckling.

"Is it too much trouble?" I asked.

"No, not one bit, you're not even near the heaviest thing I can carry up and down these stairs." Angel said.

"Well, that sounds alright." I said.

"Don't sweat it, come here." Angel said, leaning down to my height, extending out his two extra arms he had hidden.

I walked closer to him and he swiftly grabbed hold of me with all of his arms, before gradually releasing two of them to hold on to the banister that traced the entirety of the staircase down to ground floor. He pressed my head into his chest in an attempt to make it more comfortable for him to carry me. I could hear every heart beat, and every step that reverberated through his body in motion with the ticking thumping motion. At first, his soft but firm fluff pressed into my face and all I could smell that same floral citrus smell I did when I woke up, it smelled of bergamonte, lemon and lilac. The further down the stairs we traveled, the more and more the scents of sauted vegetables and slowly cooked meats overpowered it. I smelled spices and seafood, all mixing together as we passed by floor after floor until the scents reached a fever pitch at the ground floor.

"Well, we're here." Angel said, leaning down, letting my feet make contact with the ground after being carried in his arms for so long. He helped me steady myself before the large double sided dark stained cherry wood door that stood before me. The door, trimmed in the same gold as the rest of the hotel, rested between two large decorative pillars shaped to resemble elephants holding up volleyballs, and above the door frame a sculpture of an eyeball wearing a top hat crowned the door. 

"So this is the dining hall?" I asked? 

"More or less." Angel said, pushing open the door on the left "come on in." Angel said, holding out a hand to me as I hesitated walking forward. I took his hand, and he led me inside. 

The smell overwhelmed the senses, if the sultry cooking smells wafting through the hotel seemed intense before, that idea shattered and scattered to the winds in comparison. Just by breathing the air, I tasted nearly everything, the braised meats and the soups. A table rested in the center of the room, holding dishes, plates and bowls of food. Charlie sat next to a grey slender woman dressed in a white and black dress. To either side of them sat two small red goats, both in matching black suits. On the other side of the table sat a massive cat with a half empty bottle of rum firmly grasped in its hand. A small creature with a single large eye, dressed in a maid outfit, frantically paced the room carefully dusting off every surface. Finally, the chef, dressed in a deep merlot and strawberry jam striped suit carried out the last bowl of food in one hand and a cane with a microphone attached in the other. Of all the people in the room, none quite gave me chills, but something about the deer like ears and antlers with the wild yellow smile turned on my alarm system.

"Hey, everyone, look what the cat dragged in." The man with the cane said, to which the cat raised a middle finger, head still planted on the table. 

"Up yours buddy." The cat said.

"Oh, Anon, you look. Great." Charlie said, trying desperately to hide a grimace. 

"Thanks Charlie." I said.

"Allow me to introduce everyone. My name's Alastor, I am the fabled 'Radio Demon' as some tend to call me." He said as a laugh track seemed to ring out from his cane. "This little ball of energy is Niffy." He said, pointing to the cyclops feverishly trying to polish a mirror that hung on the far wall. "She's a little busy right now."

"This over here is Husk." He said walking over to the cat.

"Hello, is anybody in there? We have guests, you should say hi."

"Fucks sake." The black and red winged cat said, lifting his head up slowly to look at me. "You look like a fucking fruit." He said, quickly dropping his head back on to the table.

"I'll leave the rest to you Charlie." Alastor said, bowing to Charlie.

"Oh, yeah, the two goats are Razzle and Dazzle." Charlie said, pointing to each of them as they both waved in synchronicity.

"And this is my girlfriend Vaggie." She said, pointing to the girl in grey.

"You better not attract any unwanted attention to this hotel." She said, pointing at a spear resting behind her.

"And you know little old me already." Said Angel.

"Hey, why don't you try that little trick of yours here? Huh?" He whispered.

"Ah, yeah, why not." I said, pretending to rub my eyes.

As I pressed in, nearly everything in the room blurred from the pressure, the sole exception being the visage of Alastor. His image stayed strong as if I did nothing at all. I quickly rubbed my eyes properly before opening them to find Alastor disappeared. 

"I knew this would be interesting, but I didn't realize it would be this interesting." A voice rang out from behind me, cloaked in radio static. "What's the matter anon, see something you shouldn't have?"

**Author's Note:**

> Nobody requested this but we talked about it somewhere around thread 620 or so?  
> I just thought it would be fun to write and I need practice trying to work with stream of consciousness and increasing lack of details to portray being drunk and falling asleep  
> part 1 of fuckinnnn I don't know


End file.
